Sports, Motivation & Psychology
Treat yourself well!
There is no diploma course for good parenting yet. Marcus Flachowsky is nevertheless convinced that anyone can perform well in the role of parent. Style PASS spoke with the passionate coach about his work and: Like many coaches, Flachowsky is also on Youtube!
Style PASS: Anyone can be a good father/mother?
Marcus Flachowsky: Yes, it just depends on our decision to give the best for our child from the bottom of our heart and to want to learn everything that is necessary for that.
Style PASS: Often people do not repeat what is right, but also what is perhaps wrong, but what they have learned. How do parents manage to break through familiar patterns of action and thinking?
First of all, we have to recognise and accept these patterns of action, then it is a successive process how we can dissolve them and overwrite them through daily repetition. The procedure should be individually adapted - this works much easier and better with expert help.
Style PASS: How did you come to coach parents today?
I am a father myself and in the first years of my fatherhood I often fell short of what I expected of myself. As a result, I sought mentors who helped me grow into the role more easily.
To this end, as a former teacher, I gave quasi mini-coaching sessions to parents in countless parenting meetings, which showed me quite clearly: successful and happy parenting starts with ourselves, because our children learn what we do - and not what we say. This is exactly where I help.
Style PASS: What role does the individual "mindset" play in parenting?
One's own "mindset" is enormously important: 95 per cent is mindset, such as the firm belief in being a good mother/father!
Style PASS: You say: achievement and success is important for children, but happiness is the most important thing. How do parents manage to raise their children to be happy people? How can parents recognise and promote their children's strengths?
We treat others as we treat ourselves. This means parents are allowed to focus on their own strengths and assets and cultivate them. They thus become a great role model for their children and find it easier to see and promote their strengths.
Style PASS: The biggest mistakes parents can make?
In my opinion, the biggest mistakes parents can make are forgetting themselves in their role as parents, which costs energy and makes us worse in the long run than we can be as parents, for example. Moreover, children learn how to deal with themselves primarily from their parents' example. I find it similarly fatal to make decisions for or demands on children only out of social norms or conventions. Good parental decisions are always intuitive and accompanied by the question: What does my child really gain from this? Sometimes even against popular opinion.
Style PASS: How does coaching with you actually work?
Coaching usually goes like this: First we get to know each other in one or two preliminary meetings. For me it is crucial to understand the parents' situation exactly and to know that "the chemistry between us is right".
The programme itself is a three-month online coaching. Once a week I talk to each participant individually. In addition, there are group Q&A calls with all participants. The whole thing is supported by an accompanying video course with workbook and the exchange with other parents in the private Facebook group.
Style PASS: What psychological approaches do you base your work on?
I draw on modern cognitive developmental and learning psychology, the work of Dr. Joseph Murphy and Simon Hofer, and the findings of epigenetics. My work is also inspired by Dr Joe Dispenza, Anthony Robbins, Bob Procter, Eckart Tolle and Zen Buddhism.
Style PASS: A good mother/father is one who ... ?
A good mother/father is one who treats himself/herself well. As I said, we treat others - including our children - as we treat ourselves.